Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
foreskin is a definite game changer
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
