i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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