Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
