Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
