thus making me awesome and them whores
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
