You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I could make wine with my vomit
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
