You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
