Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just found puke in my bra..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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