I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
