I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
now i know why i became what i already was.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
