separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
A+ Viking dick
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
