apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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