Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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