First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Someone came in the potted fern
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
