I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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