He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
