Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
