She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
