he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
