The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
