Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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