im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
