yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
