Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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