Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
