Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
