she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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