What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
