it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
