i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
