Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
