I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
