i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
