I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
