More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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