Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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