Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
