i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
