I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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