We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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