what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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