nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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