2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
