It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
