I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
