it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
