I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
