what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
