I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
