We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
