Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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