Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm going to jail i love you
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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