did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
