she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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