He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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