you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
