i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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