Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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